Cafe de Desiree

October 8, 2013

I love you-Words that now inspire fear

Filed under: dating,life,relationships — desi83 @ 5:56 pm

To continue my obsession with the Avett Brothers, Click on their official video of “I and Love and You” before reading this.
We say these words all of the time, but they aren’t always genuine. We throw them around meaninglessly to friends who aren’t that close to us or lovers whose bodies we love and want to ravish, but would we really catch this person if they fell? No, we’d be too busy checking our facebook on our phone. We don’t really “love” most people we say those words to. Those words should mean something other than I love you…r body and the way it feels against mine. Or, I love…what I can get from you. I love…hanging out with you but don’t call me if you need help moving. So, I am now afraid of these words. I don’t want to hear them from anyone who can’t back them up, and I damn sure won’t say them if I can’t back them up. Recently a guy who I have dated off and on (we have never committed because of distance and circumstances and well, he is a commitment phobe and a workaholic), drunkenly said these words to me several times. The first emotion this inspired was fear. I didn’t know what to say. He was drunk, so maybe he just felt affection for whomever was near him. But after all these years and after many drunken stupid nights, he says these words repeatedly. I just kept saying “no you don’t”. So, he said, “Fine, I hate you.” I of course reminded him of this as well as other embarrassing stories of the night, and his reply was, “Well, I do like you. And I said I hate you because you didn’t appreciate my intentions.” He seemed embarrassed, and we proceeded to laugh about a story he told about a goat that kept getting weirder and weirder, and how he hugged some guy he doesn’t remember meeting. I am probably just being a girl about this, but I keep wondering why he is suddenly throwing around the L word, even it is in a drunken state. Hey, at least I didn’t say it back. I did realize that we do have an attachment to each other that goes beyond casual encounters or the occasional dinner date when we have the time. I remember calling him when I needed to talk to someone who wasn’t so directly involved in my life. He’s turned to me several times in the past when he needed someone to listen. So maybe there are different levels of love. I love you enough to listen to you vent about your work at 1 o’clock in the morning. I love you enough to drive an hour and a half to see you, and you love me enough to do the same. I don’t love you enough to change anything in my life so that we can see each other more often or progress any further. That is what you have to consider when someone says those words, or when you say them. How much would you sacrifice for this person, because that is how much you love them. To truly love someone is to love them unconditionally. When we put conditions on our love for another person, it limits that love. When that condition no longer applies, the love disappears.

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2 Comments »

  1. I have never been in a relationship or dated anyone that I said “I love you” to and not actually mean it. Those words should be said with true feeling behind them or they lose the meaning. I think sometimes we believe we are obligated to say more than we really feel because out of kindness for person individually. When you say “I love you” it should because YOU want to express and give that. Not because of badgering, cohesion, obligation, or trying to get something in return.
    Maybe you felt fearful of saying “I love you” because deep down you subconsciously felt more deeply about the person than they did for you? You wanted the same in return but were not receiving it, thus felt vulnerable.

    Comment by Michael — July 8, 2014 @ 6:01 pm | Reply

    • That is a good rule to stand by for sure. And to be honest, I did love him, but more as a friend. I was definitely not in love with him. I’ve only been in love once, and that was a very long time ago. Wow, I had forgotten about this entry lol.

      Comment by desi83 — July 9, 2014 @ 7:15 am | Reply


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