Cafe de Desiree

August 18, 2013

The Anxiety Monster

Filed under: angst — desi83 @ 4:58 pm
Tags: , , ,

Avett Brothers “Ill with Want”

Butterflies swarm inside of my chest, beating to escape the walls and burst out into the world, outside the confines of this limited existence. My chest tightens. A balloon forms, sucking all the air from my airway. My head begins to tingle, and my body shivers, but not from the cold. I am lying beside him, yet I feel like the bed is parting, and he’s drifting further and further away. Just breathe. It’s okay, just take slow breaths. Put your head between your knees. There is a blackness that threatens to steal me away in the night and drag me into the unknown abyss, so I ask him to hold me, protect me from the blackness. I can feel its grasp on my heart, tightening. I can feel its tugging on my body. So I ask him to hold me tighter. Tighter. I can’t breathe; that’s better. Just hold me and don’t let go. Don’t let the blackness pull me away. The butterflies seize their chaotic swarming, and my breathing slows down. The blackness will not steal me away. I am in control of this body and of this mind. Yet, sometimes I just need to hold onto something because my strength does fail me in these moments.

“Something has me, acting like someone I don’t want to be.” I know this song is actually about addiction, but certain lines really resinate with me. I can listen to these guys nonstop.

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