Cafe de Desiree

July 30, 2013

Alternate reality and Self Discovery

Filed under: Uncategorized — desi83 @ 4:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Lately…well, actually, since I left my management career in September 2012, I feel as though I am living in an alternate reality. I’m not here, but I am not totally separated from here. I am in a dream looking at everyone else’s reality around me. People are living their lives, some of them are even where they are supposed to be. I was in a misery of my own making for 5 years, so I suppose that I have gone into hiding since I escaped. Living with my parents and figuring out what to do next has been a slower process than intended, but I was a little gun shy. I am now working a job that pays well but is quite mindless. It is the first step, though. I am headed to school this fall to earn my elementary education certification, and I am working on my English as a second language curriculum at the speed of a turtle with two broken legs. However, I will have it finished soon, so I could go anywhere and teach anyone English as a second language. So, then, where am I going exactly? I don’t fit here. I have never really felt right anywhere. I am restless and bored with my surroundings! So the plan…I’m going to finish school this year and continue hiding out at my parents’ house while saving as much money as possible. As soon as I finish school, I am going to travel. I am going to discover new places, even if it is just quick weekend trips since I’ll still have to work. I am going to either find a new place or at least fulfill this need to see outside of this tiny little piece of the world where I live. I am not meant to be stationary. I think that has been an issue with me as far as dating as well. I have had difficulty finding someone who I am in sync with, so I have just settled oftentimes for someone who seemed good enough at the time. I never thought I was that different from anyone else, but it has been amazingly tough to find someone who gets me. And it doesn’t help that I have had trouble “getting me” too! Sure, I am 30, but I don’t think it is my time to find a husband and have babies like everyone else does at this point. I think I need the next couple of years to discover something bigger than that. Although I do hope that one day, and hopefully before wrinkles begin to show, that I will find someone to discover the world with me.

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