Cafe de Desiree

June 24, 2013

Alone Time with an old friend

Filed under: Blogging,life — desi83 @ 2:04 am
Tags: , ,

A certain sadness overtook me like getting caught in the undertow of a great ocean wave without any apparent warning or cause. It caught my breath for a moment, so I breathed in deeply and sighed slowly and audibly with my eyes closed. A song kept playing in my head that I hadn’t heard in a long time, so I searched for it and played in on my phone. I remember listening to the radio for hours as a pre-teen waiting for a song like that to finally come on the radio so that I could record it on a cassette. Now, like magic, the song is mine in a matter of seconds. I suppose I do miss the experience of anticipation and discovering new songs that played on the station while I waited. Still, it is nice to hear this song outside of my own head. I’m in between that place of wanting to reach out to someone and wanting to recoil from the outside world and read about the outside world from the safety of my couch. It’s a strange feeling, wanting someone to hold you without speaking or taking the affection further than merely just that-a warm and lasting embrace without ulterior motives. I settle for my little dog that likes to curl up in the bend of my knees. I read baby news and wedding news, I look at vacation photos, and I shake my head (smh) at silly drama that people feel the need to publicize. For a few minutes, I live vicariously through these people whom I knew long ago some way or another. I stupidly type in his name in the search bar, and the sadness catches my breath yet again as I gaze at the picture of him with his new love. Then, it all feels artificial and wrong, so I turn off the computer and pick up a book. I love the feel of the pages between my fingers and the smell of the print and dust. It feels real, tangible, like a memory that will never fade. The phone rings, and I silence it; it’s a friend of mine. A text comes through inviting me to some event nearby. Yet in this moment, I prefer the company of an old friend who is always waiting for me on the shelf without judgement or impatience with me for leaving her there for so long. I lose myself in her words, and she overtakes my thoughts and emotions for the next hour.

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