Cafe de Desiree

March 23, 2013


Filed under: angst,Blogging,dating,life,relationships — desi83 @ 2:34 am

“You are too pretty to not be married. You’re not even engaged yet?” “Do you have kids? Really, why not?” Yes, these are questions/comments that I’ve gotten from well-meaning older ladies at the schools where I’ve taught recently. Five years ago it was more like “Oh, you have plenty of time, there is no rush,” or “You don’t want to settle down too soon”. Now it’s like, hey, you’re headed towards spinsterhood, get a move on. I’ve also noticed that if a person near my age is divorced, people understand that more than my being single. Even with shows like Friends, Happy Endings, New Girl, and a plethora of other shows about 30 somethings being single, the attitude is still the same. It’s time to get married and have children before your looks go and your eggs dry up. Actually, CiCi in New Girl did have that pressure and is now engaged because, in her Indian culture, it was time for her to meet and marry a suitable Indian man chosen by her parents. I got the impression that she was only into it because it was what was expected. Of course, that is another issue, and luckily my family doesn’t put a lot of pressure and expectations on me when it comes to marriage and kids. Every now and then they’ll complain about how I never date anyone they like, but that’s as far as it really goes. It’s mostly that I am feeling societal pressure, as well as pressure from every guy I’ve dated since being in my late 20s.

I don’t remember the last time I dated a guy without the expectation that the relationship could end up in marriage. Sheesh, talk about pressure. I wish I could just enjoy dating someone and getting to know them without talking about our future child’s name or where we want to live. We’ve only been dating for a few months, I don’t even know if I like everything about your personality yet! I admit, though, that I do get wrapped up in the idea at first. I think, well, I need to eventually get married anyway, and this guy wants to marry me, and he has a lot of good qualities and likes to take me to do fun things, so why not? But then I find some annoying habit he has and I realize, wow, we still have a lot to learn about each other before we can even fathom spending a lifetime together. Phew, yeah, this is a bit jumbled, I have a lot on my mind.

I’m going to Las Vegas for my 30th birthday, but there will be no eloping this weekend. I’m going to have fun with my guy, and I’m living in the present while I do it. We’ve literally had fights about hypothetical situations that would happen possibly if we were married. Then I got angry toward the end of the argument because I realized how preposterous the whole discussion was. I’m taking the shades of possibility off of my face for now so that I can just be in the present with him and get to know him much more thoroughly. Because sometimes I think I’d like to just live with my dogs and be done with it. Maybe I could find another loner who likes to just get together every couple of weeks and relieve our need for human companionship-I’m talking about playing a good old fashioned game of Jenga, get your mind out of the gutter;)


March 11, 2013

I’m moving on…

Filed under: Blogging,life,music — desi83 @ 5:06 am

Rascal Flatts: I’m Movin’ On
Yes, this song is exactly how I feel right now. After I’m finished with school, I’m definitely moving on to a new place for a new life. So, I have the next year to figure out a plan. Sometimes you really can be in the same place with the same people for too long. Recent events have been pushing me more and more toward this idea. There are an inordinate amount of places and opportunities in this world, so it is senseless to stay in one place forever when you feel you’ve outgrown it or at least don’t fit into it any more. I am more than the sum of my past mistakes, but there are too many reminders of that here. I am excited about the possibilities waiting for me, and it is up to me to grab hold of them. I’ve been working diligently to change certain behavior patterns that have hindered me my whole life. I’m reading a book that is giving me ideas on how to do this, I’m holding myself accountable by writing about it in my journal, and I’m taking notes on ideas from the book that really stand out. I’m going to be 30 this month, so it would be preposterous to stay here making the same mistakes and being reminded constantly of those mistakes. It’s time to grow up and move on.

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