Cafe de Desiree

January 25, 2012


Filed under: Blogging — desi83 @ 8:45 am

Purpose. What is it? Is it finding your gift that you can share with the world? If you aren’t a good writer, singer, artist, football player, preacher, or ballet dancer, do you not have a purpose? Maybe it is finding “the one” and settling down. Then, what if that fails and you are left without your “one”? Does that mean that your purpose is gone? Or maybe things do work out with your one, and you settle down in that house that you save your money for by working a job that you hate. You buy a car and a pool, and maybe you opt for the John Deere zero turn mower that goes straight to the credit card, which will be paid for in ten years after making the minimum monthly payments. So you come home, exhausted after working that miserable career that you chose out of necessity because your dream job fell through, and you sit with your significant other. You exchange tedious work stories, and you agree on a dinner option. You sit beside each other and force feed yourselves hamburger helper and wash it down with some Lipton iced tea. Maybe you have some cookies afterward so that you can add guilt to your list of frustrations from the day. Shit, now you cannot skip out on the gym tomorrow. So, you two watch television so that you can zone out until bedtime. With your minds numbed and your bodies exhausted from the mundane activities of the day, you two make your way to bed. One of you is in the mood, but the other is not. So, you have that awkward exchange in which one person starts to snuggle and timidly kiss the other’s neck and cheeks. Then, the other person pushes their spouse away, mumbling something about a headache, a period, a hard day at work, or whatever. You both lay there uncomfortably and wish that there was something more to this life, and you slowly fall asleep, dreading the moment that blaring alarm reminds you that it is time to do it all over again. Eventually, the two of you feel like you should add children to your meaningless life. Maybe children will give you that grand, happy purpose that you have been searching for? So, because it is what you are supposed to do, and because you feel a void in your present life, you have children. Oh, children are so adorable, fun, and they worship you because you are so much wiser and bigger than they are, and you always seem to have all of these important jobs to do. Then they grow up and tell you they hate you, maybe even curse you when you tell them that they cannot go to a party where there might be drinking, or they can’t go out on a school night because you don’t want them to fail out of high school and miss out on that all-important college education that has obviously done you so much good. Great, now you are failing at your new purpose in life. What is the point?
Why do we spend our whole lives asking this question? What is the answer? Is it to do what makes you happy? Because if that is the case, I need to start saving money now to go to Hawaii since that place made me feel happier than any other place on Earth. But then, what would I do? Write? What would I write about when I would have nothing to complain about? How about that-I could write of being unsatisfied in my happy place. Okay, so that is not the answer. Is the purpose to just suffer through this small journey of 100 years or less in hopes of a more rewarding after life? Well, who knows where I’ll even be going? It depends on which religious group that you ask as to where I could end up, and there are even differences of opinion within just the Christian sect. Is the purpose to learn to be satisfied with what you have? I have tried and failed with that. I suppose that, so far, all I have figured out is that you can’t find your purpose in outside things or people. It has to be within. Now that is partially in the spiritual sense, and that can stretch across the different religions/beliefs. Buddism, Christianity, Muslim, Hindu, even Pagans have a spiritual awareness of some sort. I have no idea how anyone goes through life with no sense of spirituality, but I think I may ask an atheist sometime out of genuine curiosity. But it’s not just spirituality that you have to focus on, because there are people who focus entirely on religion and/or spirituality, and they lose who they are (aka cults). Yes, it is cliche, but you must find happiness within yourself.
I have this painting in my room that I fall asleep mindlessly staring at every night. It is of fairies in the night. Just looking at the overall painting, it is a beautiful picture of flowers ignited by these little fairies in the night. It is basically purple, green, black, and blue. It is a great overall painting. Yet, I could get bored with it after awhile if that is all that I see. However, when I analyze it and make myself appreciate the details, I realize that I have missed out on several other colors that are used to outline and shade the images in the painting. I also didn’t really notice the fairies; I just noticed their lights and their outlines. They have magnificent flowing hair, glowing eyes, and cherry lips. I notice how the flowers are painted to appear to be blowing in the wind. I notice the night sky, which on first glimpse appears to be black, but it is made up of blue, black, red, and purple. These colors make up a night sky that is both dark and vibrant, and it is covered with patterns of stars that I also barely noticed until now. I was happy with the painting in the first place or I wouldn’t have bought it, but now that I see it and appreciate all of its little details, I love it even more. I think that you have to love the overall picture that you choose, but you also have to appreciate all of the little things that it brings, or else it’ll be something that you forget to notice after awhile. With that being said, if you don’t care that much for the painting in the first place, don’t buy it just because it would match your decor. Don’t settle in life, or that painting will get uglier and uglier the longer that you stare at it. You know what makes you happy, and you shouldn’t settle for less just to make someone else happy or because you are too scared to try something that you actually enjoy. Life is too short, so make your purpose to do what makes you happy and what you know to be right spiritually. It’s so simple, yet even I will continue my quest to find this “purpose” that is the holy grail that we all futilely seek.



  1. Our purpose is what we make it. That’s true if we read some holy book and decide or if you think the cosmos is speaking to you.

    As the resident atheist, I’d be glad to answer your questions re spirituality. I guess *my* first question would be to ask you to define spirituality. I find wonder in nature and the cosmos. I find wonder in learning and science. Being an atheist doesn’t mean I don’t have hope!

    Comment by Michael Harley (@obsolete29) — January 26, 2012 @ 4:39 am | Reply

  2. Well, if you feel a spiritual awareness from nature and the cosmos, then I think calling yourself an atheist may be a bit limiting. You don’t have to believe in God in order to be “spiritual”. But yes, nature is a great reminder of the fact that there is so much outside of ourselves. Being in nature is exactly how I feel close to God or feel spiritual or however you want to describe it. Thanks for reading my late night pondering!

    Comment by desi83 — January 26, 2012 @ 7:31 am | Reply

  3. I didn’t say I felt spiritual awareness. I said I have hope and I feel wonder about how big and great the [b]actual[/b] world and universe is.

    So yeah back to my original question: How do you define “spiritual”?

    Comment by Michael H — January 26, 2012 @ 3:11 pm | Reply

  4. Hmmm…what is spiritual? I think being spiritual or having spirituality is feeling an awareness that there is something bigger than you that you cannot explain. So, I apologize if I misunderstood you. But there are people who do feel spiritual, and feel that there is something bigger than them even if they don’t believe in God. When I start to feel suffocated from my daily life or feel hopeless in a situation, I find solace in connecting with nature, and hiking in the mountains away from everything but nature seems to work best. When I am in the middle of all that, I do feel this spiritual awareness, this appreciation for all of these things that were created around me not by man but by….God? or at least something bigger than man.

    Comment by desi83 — January 26, 2012 @ 5:56 pm | Reply

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