Cafe de Desiree

November 28, 2011

I will NOT be weakened by a Stupid Emotion!

Filed under: angst — desi83 @ 7:07 am

I am an angry person. I curse and slam my steering wheel while stuck in traffic on my way to work. I don’t get angry with myself for leaving late. I get angry at the fact that it wouldn’t take 45 minutes to get to work if everyone would just move faster and the lights would all stay green for me. I get angry at work when I am called away from my task to deal with a customer’s problem. I forget my main reason for being there-customer service. I get angry at my mom for her pushy, uninvited advice on my life. I forget that she can’t keep her mouth shut because she cares about me too much to not say something. I actually get angry with her and yell at her for trying to control my life. And yet, I look back at how many times she has been right. That is what makes me angry. She causes me to doubt myself, and I don’t want to do that. I get angry at the weather when it is raining or snowing outside because I have to drive on dangerous roads because I live so far from work. However, I chose to work there four and a half years ago knowing that I would have to travel some distance to get there. I get angry that I can’t get published, yet I have only attempted five agents, and only one sent me a rejection letter. No one else even responded. Yet, most authors send their queries and/or manuscripts to hundreds of agents and/or publishers before anything happens. Anger is a weakness of mine that I have been fighting for a long time. I am changing my strategy for the first time in my life. I have always looked at my temper as a mental disability, an enemy inside of me that takes over my mind and body when I’m provoked. Like the Hulk, I transform into a monster that I don’t recognize. Sometimes it just comes and goes quickly such as when I have snapped at people at work. Yet sometimes it completely takes over me, and I find myself screaming at someone close to me and throwing inanimate objects. It is a weakness, however, and only I can control it and subdue it. Running is one way that I deal with the stress that leads to the monster coming out of me. When I run, I put my stress into it. I run it out in a sense. After a good, hard run, I never feel stressed or angry. I always feel rejuvenated and transformed into someone who is calm and accomplished afterward. Writing is another way that I deal with anger. Sometimes I just need to scream at someone about how upset I am, but I don’t want to scare anyone. So, I write all of my negative thoughts on paper until at last, I have released my frustration. Breathing is the way I deal with anger during a situation, such as when I’m dealing with a particularly difficult customer (no, Dr. Pepper is NOT made by Coca-Cola, so this coupon won’t work. I don’t CARE if your son used to work for Coca-Cola. It’s not going to work!!). Either way, it is a battle that I will win because I will not allow myself to be weakened by anything, least of all a stupid emotion.

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